Inspiration for “Ten Signs You Might be Married to a Rugby Player” came to me just weeks before my wedding to a rugby player. The idea struck moments after using “my fiance is a rugby player” as an explanation for something for the millionth time.
Taking a note from David Letterman’s top ten lists, I decided to take a fun deviation from my usual musings. This collection is the result. Feel free to add your own ideas in the comments.
1. Your Other Half is a Hooker, but That’s OK
In rugby, the hooker is quite innocently responsible for hooking the ball with their feet during a scrum. In ordinary conversation, saying your other half is busy because he or she is a hooker for a rugby team can raise some eyebrows.
2. You Have a Parking Punch-Pass for the ER
There’s no feeling quite like being asked by a surgeon how many times your spouse has been in the ER, and having to count on your fingers. Seven. Oh, you meant lifetime? I meant this year. Luckily, when you use the explanation “they play rugby” it usually clears up any confusion immediately.
3. Your Sheets and Towels Look Like Crime Scene Clean-Up Tools
New sheets and towels are an annual post-season purchase. The old ones look like you used them to clean up after a murder. Weeping wounds, busted stitches, mud… Just be sure to hide the old towels and sheets well in the trash and let your moving men know that no one died on your mattress.
4. You Have a Huge Extended Family That you Never Even Knew you Wanted
Don’t be surprised if you wake up one day and realize you’ve gained thirty new cousins. What starts as an overwhelming experience in meeting your spouse’s team soon changes to screaming their names on the pitch and sharing in their triumphs and defeats. Waking up to find six large men sleeping like babies on your living room floor becomes just another Sunday morning.
5. You Wonder What Your Child’s Nose or Ears Will Look Like
Because you’re pretty sure your significant other’s didn’t always look like that. Your future mother-in-law might even pull you aside and promise that his/her nose used to be straight.
6. Your Summer Tan is On Point
Whether you spread a blanket on the grass or sprawl out in a lawn chair, you’ll be spending a lot of time at the field. The bonus? Your summer tan will never be better. The caveat? Rainy games, in which you have to try to handle an umbrella and end up looking like a drowned rat.
7. Your Liver Tolerance is On Point
Whether you pass out on a blanket or fall out of a lawn chair, you’ll be spending lots of time partying after hanging out at the field. The bonus? Your summer liver will never be better? The caveat? Sunday mornings spent questioning your mortality.
8. You Have the Bomb Squad on Speed Dial to Deal with Dirty Kit Bags
If you see it sitting on the porch, you keep your distance. How long has it been sitting there? Is there another way into the house so I don’t have to walk past it? Maybe I can just hold my breath. I’m not washing that thing.
9. You Never Ask “What’s That Smell?” Because It’s the Kit
Or your spouse, depending on the day.
10. People are Shocked or in Awe
People who find out your other half plays rugby usually say things like “that’s dangerous” or “I’d never let my spouse do that.” Of course, you often find people who come from a rugby family that can’t contain their excitement at this newfound camaraderie.